Sid: Hello, Sid Roth here, welcome to my world
where it is naturally supernatural.
My guest Kathi Oates told me that studies reveal
87 percent of illnesses, of sicknesses, are caused
by stored toxic emotions.
And if you could have x-ray vision and look at
someone’s heart you would see cracks in their heart
and in some instances you would actually see a portion
of their heart broken off to protect themselves
and then they are an incomplete person.
My guest was such a person, Kathi, you were
conceived out of wedlock, I mean you started out
on shaky ground and you were abused as a child.
Kathi: Right, verbally and physically.
Sid Roth: Tell me about Fat Kathi.
Kathi: Well early on our family was very angry, very
angry, my mother was abused, she was physically abused,
emotionally abused, and by the time I entered school I was
bigger than all the other kids, and so I was teased about it,
I was not accepted, and when I got to school the only
comfort that I found was through eating, and so I got
bigger and more teasing, and it created a whole cycle
in those early years that was very destructive.
Sid: And then, this, you must have had a lot of
emotional pain as a result of this.
Kathi: I had an awful lot of emotional pain
and there was no place to put the pain.
I wasn’t safe at home to process pain, I wasn’t safe at
home to be angry and let the anger out, I really felt I
wasn’t safe at school, the only redeeming quality was
I had a good inlet, and so I focused on my studies,
I focused on that, but at the same time I would eat to
cover up the pain, just anything to cover up the pain.
Sid Roth: Okay, so you finally decided maybe there is
something more to life than the aesthesia of eating,
and you then become “Skinny Kathi.”
Kathi: Right, I became very thin, ultra thin and all
borderline anorexic, wound up in the hospital
with a kidney infection, was very thin and very popular,
it’s like all my dreams came true.
I was dating the captain of the football team, I was the
cheerleader, it was like Cinderella and those were my last
couple of years of high school, but inside I was a hurting
puppy, very hurting and very seeking, I was seeking a lot,
none of my family knew the Lord, none of them had ever
come into a personal relationship with the Lord,
and nobody in my town that I knew of.
Sid: Okay, so you become a believer, you marry Gary;
you are 28 years a pastor’s wife, but you finely have
reached your point where you don’t want to be an actress
anymore and say, “Everything’s fine, I’m blessed.”
Kathi: Right, from the outside we looked like the perfect
pastor’s family, I want to really make that clear, because
people can look good from the outside but the Lord knows
what’s happening on the inside, the Lord knows all the
anger, all the fear, all the torment that is going on, and that
is what was happening with me, and by the time I had
stuffed 28 more years of anger and frustration and fear and
self-hatred on top of what I had already brought into the
marriage, there was a lot of arguing, a lot of fighting
amongst us, and I decided if Gary would just get better,
give me more affection, be a better husband, or we had a
bigger church, or because we had pioneered churches for
28 years, I was looking to all the outward things,
if I just had this it would make me happy.
Sid: Just like you were looking for other
food as Fat Kathi.
Kathi: It was looking, I had stayed thin, I fought to stay
thin, and it was to my physical determent really.
And then all of a sudden God began to work on me, and I
began to see it was really about the inside out, it was really
about what was really going on and I had to face the truth
about what was on the inside of me, and it wasn’t about
my good deeds, it wasn’t about being a good pastor’s wife,
it was about the jealousy, the anger, the strife,
the bitterness on the inside, the anger was horrific.
Sid: What was the first key that you got to get free?
Kathi: the first key was that God began to speak truth in
my innermost parts, I began to get quiet enough,
I think we live in such a rat race of a world we’re not
quiet enough to tune in to what’s happening on the
inside of us or the things that we believe, and so
the Lord began to bring truth to the light.
Well then I began to notice, there’s a war going on
on the inside of me, there is one person that feels
one way and one person that is very angry and
when the pain would get stepped on on the inside
this angry person would come out, this bitter person
would come out and I didn’t like her at all.
And Gary didn’t like her at all and it was very difficult.
I remember Gary saying to me one time,
“If you would just think more positively.”
And I said to him, “You know Gary, you don’t understand
this, you don’t understand what it is like to have two
people on the inside warring against each other.”
And it was those words out of my mouth I began to
see a Christian can have a broken heart, they can be split,
so to speak, and one part holding all the pain,
all the trauma, and another part trying to be
“Sally Good Christian,” all the time.
And it was, I came to him and I said,
“Gary, I don’t care what you are going to do,
I don’t care if we have the biggest church,
I don’t care if my house is perfect, I don’t care if my
kids are perfect, I am going to get the help I need.
And that’s when I began to really seek the Lord about
that and a man came along, that had a ministry of healing
and talking to us about walls and parts.
And during that period of ministry I got real quiet and
because I am a visual person, the Lord showed me visually
what was happening on the inside, and I began to see that I
had a big wall on the inside, and the man said,
“Well ask the Lord what’s the name of the wall?”
Sid: I’ll tell you what, hold that thought because Kathi not
only finds out about this wall and has her heart restored,
but she had been equipped to supernaturally restore your
heart, don’t go away we’ll be right back after this word.
