Sid: Many people that become believers in the Messiah are sabotaged because of things that happened in their childhood or things that happened even generationally that passed on from generation to generation. And because they become believers and because they know the truth, they either are setting themselves up for a massive explosion that will end up in them turning from God or even dying. Or they live a life of silent desperation, watching others, reading what the word has to say but not experiencing that freedom for themselves. I have two people like that, Phillip and Darlena Field, we found out on yesterday’s broadcast that they were both sabotaged in different ways, alcoholism, verbal abuse, depression and we found out that Phillip kind of pulled his sway out of it. But Darlena when they got married ran into that same old depression and she was desperate one day because of a voice literally came to her. It was a demonic voice and it told her to end her life. What did you do when you heard this voice, Darlena?
Darlena: I immediately went to the phone and called Phillip, my saving grace was that I told on myself. At that point we had some friends that were counselors and got us connected with a physiatrist and I went on medication for a short period of time and that didn’t really help me. And after seeking all the things that the world had to offer I cried out to God in my desperation and I needed to know that He loved me in a tangible way to heal me.
Sid: Tell me if you can rephrase what was your prayer? What was your prayer?
Darlena: My prayer was “God I need to know if you love me in a tangible way by healing me, I’m ready to throw in the towel as a believer, because I can’t fathom living calling myself a child of God and living in such torment.”
Sid: And what happened?
Darlena: Well, literally with a week I found myself at a program that operated in deliverance and I was instantly delivered of something that is so intense that flew out of my chest that almost pulled me out my chair. I could circle the calendar that date that the oppressive tormenting pit of depression left.
Sid: Just out of curiosity, what was the root of that depression?
Darlena: Surprisingly it was from a spirit of Indian jealousy and self hatred.
Sid: And it was that big of a transformation for you.
Darlena: It truly was.
Sid: Okay, and then Phillip, you straightened out even though you came from a house of rage and it was masked for many years but and you went to probably that same ministry, it was Henry Wright I believe.
Phillip: Yes, it was.
Sid: And you got set free too. What happened with you?
Phillip: Well, you know we were on course for things to really be the storybook but even though you go the right school, go to the right church and marry the right girl it doesn’t mean that everything works out right. And really what happens was, that the church that I was working for, the senior pastor, which it was a mega church in the ‘80s and ‘90s that was really on the move, and you know in the middle in the height of that he began to entertain false doctrine and before it was over with the entire ministry crashed and when it crashed I crashed. And my spiral downward was you know, having grown up in this home where you internalize the sin of others and the weakness of others as your own fault, that was what I did when the church crashed I started blaming myself.
Sid: And by the way I’m familiar with that church, we won’t mention the name they had actually 800 churches connected with them and you were dean of the school of ministry at the that church. And out of curiosity what was exactly the false doctrine they went into?
Phillip: The false doctrine was universalism, there’s many ways to heaven and there’s no hell and there’s lots of tolerance.
Sid: And you know, there is a bestselling book out by a pastor now trying to prove that there is no hell and there is some major Christian ministries that are endorsing that book, I don’t get it!
Phillip: I don’t either; I mean you know you would have to cut out a large portion of scripture to endorse that, but…
Sid: But just out of curiosity with your pastor, did you ever go to him and try to reason with him or wouldn’t he talk to you.
Phillip: There were many people in the faith, many people with greater and broader ministers, that came into tried to reason with him and even as a church staff and others we lovingly the process really unfolded over a couple of years and there were many many conversations that we had with him to really try to rescue him from these lies.
Sid: But as a result of what occurred you internalized it what happened to you?
Phillip: Well, I internalized it and I really didn’t recognize but what happened to me is that some real deep seated bitterness started to form in me towards God because in my case I thought God why did you let this happened to me. And that led to a way to try to rationalize all of the fall out and I became this kind of Mother Theresa figure in my mind in that day to sort of give myself to social causes and things of that nature and working with the homeless and doing things like that were just again frustrations for me. I was out there working with those folks thinking that I was trying to prove something.
Sid: And you actually picked up from that environment picked up Hepatitus B, you started having fibromyalgia, would you call yourself backslidden or what would you call yourself at that point?
Phillip: I would call myself burned out, you know I had given myself to a ministry for fifteen years and during fifteen years and then you know when it crashed I didn’t process it well, although I was a trained counselor. I really internalized the thing, stuffed my feelings and really the enemy was building up things inside of me.
Sid: A lot of self pity, I imagine.
Phillip: Oh yeah.
Sid: Because of what you went through.
Phillip: Exactly.
Sid: You must have been tired all the time with that fibromyalgia.
Phillip: Yes, tired and then I went through a stage there for several months once I contracted the Hep. B that I started to feel like I had the flue around the clock and so I literally exhausted myself.
Sid: What’s going on with you when you saw what was going on with your husband or were you it with the same thing when the church collapsed?
Darlena: I became very cenacle and disinterested in going to church and didn’t have anything to do with the church.
Sid: So you both can understand how someone can be burned out and just be backslidden.
Phillip: Sure.
Sid: And unfortunately it happens a lot more than it should. But so how did you get set free Phillip.
Phillip: Well, I had a similar experience to Darlena when you are on your back and you can’t move and you’re not sure what’s next and you come to a place of desperation and of course I called in all the great men and women of faith to pray for me and things got worse. And so I said, to the Lord, I said, you know this isn’t fair, where are you at in this? And that’s when I started crying out to Him, Lord help me. And He did, He said to me, “He said, Son I want to heal you but you’ve got to get real. And I heard that very clearly, it wasn’t an audible voice but it rang so true to me in my heart and very shortly thereafter I too went through a process of deliverance and my deliverance wasn’t instantaneous like Darlena’s was but it was what I call you know the seed was planted and then that seed began to grow and multiply in my heart and life.
Sid: So what happened to your Hepatitis C?
Phillip: Well, it all just started to go away progressively and so the miracle was, and of course they don’t really have cures for everything and so there weren’t really any drugs to take but happens was that God just he interrupted the cycle; and I knew that He was doing something. But it just over a course of about nine months I just went through this process of healing and you know I would deal with this issue in my life and it would change and before you know it my life was transformed.
Sid: What Phillip and Darlena Fields went through many of you have those seeds inside of you before childhood or even before childhood because of generational curses and you’ve never really experienced freedom.
